After infidelity, a relationship can be saved but it takes a lot of hard work. Both people have to be willing to do some potentially painful things. Because one of the prime reasons for infidelity is unhappiness, this means sometimes that a couple points out what's wrong with the other person.
This isn't always easy to take. But it's a necessary step after infidelity if you want to save the relationship.
If you go to some sort of counseling, the first thing you'll be asked is if you really feel the relationship is worth saving. You might assume that both of you feel that way because you went to counseling at all. But often, one agrees just to appease the other person.
Sometimes people go to counseling to make the other person happy. This is usually the case when the one who had the affair doesn't really want to go, but feels he (or she) owes it to the one he cheated on to agree to go. It's the least he can do after cheating, after all.
This reasoning sees a lot of people in couple counseling when in reality the one who cheated really doesn't want to fix the relationship. So each person should really examine whether they want to work hard on the relationship.
Putting the pieces back together after infidelity is probably one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. Thinking that it's as easy as saying sorry and I'll never do it again is a huge mistake. There's much more to do than simply forget it and move on.
The reasons for the affair or the affairs need to be brought out in the open. You need to decide if it the affair happened because the person who was unfaithful was generally unhappy, or if it was mostly sexual. Affairs happen for either reason and sometimes both reasons.
If you can pinpoint the reasons, then you have a much better chance of fixing the relationship after infidelity than if you can't. If it's purely sexual, then a hard look at your sex life as a couple is in order. Was it clear that one person wasn't getting what was needed form the relationship? Is there a sexual issue that keeps both people from feeling fulfilled?
Generally unhappiness is the hardest problem to overcome. That's because the reason for it can be one reason or many. The only way to get at the heart of this is open, honest discussion, usually with the help of a skilled counselor.
A counselor can be an impartial third party who looks at only the facts and can help keep the conversation going. When you would tend to argue, the counselor can stop that and foster listening. If you can learn to listen to each other, at least you can discover the truth.
When one person has had an affair, the other person may not even want to try. But if you do want to try, theirs is hope for happiness after infidelity.
Ref : The Magic of Making Up --- Ex Back System --- Relationships --- Dating
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