Stop My Divorce Change Yourself First

Source : Ex Back System permits to republish here

Are you saying “stop my divorce?”  Is your spouse taking you to divorce court and you want to put the brakes on the legal proceedings?  Do you really want your relationship to work?  If so, here’s how to stop my divorce.

First of all, you have to realize that no matter what your spouse’s reasons for the divorce are, there was something he or she was not getting from the relationship.  In other words, if you want to stop my divorce, you are going to have to make some concrete changes to your life.

It can be helpful to go to a therapist to find out what those reasons were.  But, don’t let the therapist convince you that the divorce is all your ex’s fault.  Instead, work on the issues that you have in your life that would have caused your ex to want to leave you.

One way to do this is to really listen to what your ex is saying.  Does he say that you are too involved with the children and don’t pay enough attention to you?  Does she say you are too involved with work and don’t pay enough attention to you?

Sometimes financial strain is at the heart of  a marital break up.  Especially in this unsound economy, money woes can cause divorces.  If you want to stop my divorce, you need to address the financial concerns and make a plan for the future.  Remember, it will cost more for you to live apart than it would for you to live together on a restricted budget.

Other times, one party has fallen in love with someone else.  They want to leave you to take up a relationship with a new person.  Is there any way to stop my divorce when adultery has happened?

Of course, this break in marital trust is hard to deal with, but these hurts can be healed.  If you are the victim of a cheating spouse, you need to look hard at what went wrong.  Remember, they wouldn’t have looked elsewhere if they were getting their emotional and sexual needs met at home.  If you want to win them back, you have got to work on changing your own patterns.

In most of history, divorce was not an option in civilized society.  When you took your marriage vows, it really was “til death do us part.”  But, now divorce is easy.  In 49 states, all you have to do is state that you have irreconcilable differences and the Judge will grant the divorce.

In an era of easy divorce, what can you do to save my marriage?  You can begin by looking at what the strains on the marriage were and trying to see if you can improve yourself.  You can’t change your spouse.  If you badger him or her into counseling but they aren’t committed to change, it won’t take.  But, if you change yourself, you may find that your spouse is changing too.

If you really want to save my marriage, begin by changing the only person you can – and that’s you.

Ref : The Magic of Making Up --- Ex Back System --- Relationships --- Dating

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Help Save Marriage Divorce Is Not The Answer

Source : Ex Back System permits to republish here

Are you saying “help save marriage?”  Are you at your wit’s end with your spouse, but want to stay married to him or her?  Do you feel frustrated because they won’t do the work necessary to help save marriage?

I have a tip for you.  If you want to help save marriage, you must be the one to change.  Gandhi said “you must be the change you wish to see.”  That’s good advice for a marriage.  If you put all of the focus on wanting your spouse to change, you’ll miss the one opportunity to save the relationship.

The fact is that you can’t change your spouse.  He is what he is.  She is what she is.  Your spouse is unlikely to change because you ask or threaten them.  If they do agree to change, it will not “stick.”

However, all is not lost.  If you start to make the positive changes that will help the relationship survive, you will subtly influence your partner to do the same.

This does not mean that you become a doormat.  In fact, asserting your needs and fulfilling your desires without your partner may be just what the marriage doctor called for. 

For instance, if a stay at home wife is nagging her husband to earn more money when he is satisfied with his job, she’s likely to increase the tension in the home.  However, if she takes a part time job or finds a way to make money for the family, it may spur her husband to make more money too.

If a husband wants his wife to lose weight, one of the things he can do is join a gym.  As she sees him getting fit, it will encourage her to do the same.

We often fail to see that we must be the change we wish to see. 

As we change ourselves, we create space in the relationship to allow the other person to change and grow.  Let your spouse have room to make the decisions that you want him or her to make.  Don’t nag or belittle them.  You can state your needs in such a way that allows your spouse to have options.

Many couples find themselves on the way to separate divorce lawyers because there is nobody who will help save marriage.  But, consider going to a pastor instead of an attorney.

Your pastor is committed to the institution of marriage.  He can help you work out your differences in a Godly manner.  If you really believe in saving your marriage, you will take this option.

But, don’t expect miracles from your pastor.  He can only help guide you.  Remember, you are the one who is going to have to do the changing.  You can only ask your spouse to come along for the ride.

If you truly want to help save marriage, begin with yourself.

Ref : The Magic of Making Up --- Ex Back System --- Relationships --- Dating

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Are Marriage Retreats The Way To Stop Your Divorce

Source : Author Ex Back System permits to republish here


Marriage retreats are a good way to help give your marriage a tune up, but most people don’t even know they exist. They may be just the thing to give your marriage a tune up, or to help save a foundering marriage.


So what are marriage retreats? Well, it’s basically where you take a weekend or even a week to get away from it all somewhere away from your home, staying with other couples and trained marriage counselors.


While you’re there, you’ll be spending time working intensely on your marriage with your spouse. What this does is give you a chance to get away from all the hustle and bustle of everyday life and get down to the business of your relationship.


This beneficial effect of marriage retreats should not be underestimated. The sad fact is that most people are far too busy to give their relationship the separate attention that it needs. Indeed, most of us only start thinking about our marriage in that way when we are already having problems.


After you are already having problems is probably the worst time to try and fix problems. Emotions are flaring, life is getting in the way, and you will find it very hard to do the work. The best time to solve problems is before the problems ever start happening.


This is where marriage retreats can really help. There are two big benefits to the retreat. One of them is that being away from all the distractions of life can give you a breather, time to think and time to just be together with each other. This alone can help your relationship.


The second benefit is that you’re in a situation where the whole point is to talk about your relationship. This is actually a lot harder to accomplish in real life than it sounds. Most of us are hesitant to have these kinds of discussions, because they can be awkward and painful.


But at marriage retreats, there are counselors and other couples there to speak with, and they will help guide and shelter you. This makes having those conversations easier and it gives you the benefit of having other points of views to help you see what is really going on in your relationship.


If you are already having problems with your relationship, then these marriage retreats can be an excellent way to stop your divorce. The time away from everything can be an excellent way to defuse the emotions that are preventing you from having the breakthrough you need, and having the help of professionals is always going to better than trying to just feel your way through it.


There are any number of varieties of retreats. The Christian retreats are probably the most common, but there are also plenty of retreats that focus on the secular side of things. All you need to do is find the right one for your relationship.


Marriage retreats are one of the best ways to help keep relationship going strong, but they are far from being the only option available to you. You can also find many guides and systems to help keep your marriage going strong.

Ref : The Magic of Making Up --- Ex Back System --- Relationships --- Dating

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